Can You Please Be Quiet?

In different spaces where I give feedback on coaching skills, folks tend to be surprised when I address the coach’s non-verbal behaviors. In particular, I refer to “mm-hmm,” “hmm,” “ahh,” “wow,” “yeah,” “right,” “got it,” and other small sounds and words that coaches might utter while the client speaks—or immediately after the client has stopped speaking / before the coach fully speaks. So, what am I addressing? 
 
Eliminate these sounds! 🤫🤫🤫 You don’t need them in your coaching sessions. They count against your coaching abilities to cultivate trust and safety, maintain presence, and listen activity. 

 
If you work with me as a mentor coach or assessor, trust that I will count them in your transcript and bring them to your attention. When I find 222 “mm-hmm” and its cousins in a 34-minute recording (this did happen LOL), I’m going to need you to practice silence. 
 
So, what’s the big deal? Let’s play with “mm-hmm.” According to Merriam-Webster, “mm-hmm” is defined as: “used to indicate agreement, satisfaction, or encouragement to continue speaking.” As a coach… 
🙊 You don’t need to agree with your client (imposing judgment). 
🙊 Your client doesn’t need your approval (and should not become dependent on it) 
🙊 You don’t need to be satisfied with your client. It’s not about you. 
🙊 You don’t always want your client to keep talking. 
 
“𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐰, 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦?” 
 
You can use their words when you ask your next question or offer a succinct reflection. Also, why are you worried that your client might think you’re not listening? Are you shopping on Amazon? 
 
If you don’t believe me, hear from an MCC assessor: 
 
“Coach sometimes used small words and sounds while client was speaking or when client finished speaking and before asking a question. This can be an interruption to the client thinking space. Instead, coach could consider being silent. Refraining from saying “mm-hmm, yeah, okay, wow” and so on. Client will know you are listening by the way you respond with a question or observation that is customized using client language or concepts.” 
 
In summary… 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐏 𝐈𝐓 🤐 

Photo (featured image) via Kristina Flour (tinaflour) @ Unsplash